Temper tantrums can be frustrating but instead of looking at them as disasters, treat tantrums as opportunities for your child to de-stress.
Tantrums in toddlers are one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. When our children are happy and at ease, we feel like terrific parents, but when they are kicking and screaming on the floor, we can feel helpless and overwhelmed. The good news is that toddler tantrums are actually a crucial part of our child’s mental health and wellbeing, and we can learn to be calmer in the face of them.
Here are ten compelling reasons why your toddler’s tantrum is beneficial.
Tantrums are a great way for your child to de-stress
Cortisol, the stress hormone, is found in tears. We literally release stress from our bodies when we cry. Tears have also been shown to reduce blood pressure and promote emotional well-being when accompanied by a loved one. Nothing is right when your kid is on the verge of a tantrum, as you may have noticed. She is irritated, frustrated, or whining. You may have also noticed that she is in a lot better mood when the storm has passed.
It helps if we let our children tantrum without interfering with the process so that they may get to the bottom of their emotions. “Crying is the process of getting unharmed, not the process of being hurt,” argues Deborah MacNamara, a parent educator and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Pre-schoolers (or Anyone Who Acts Like One).
Crying may aid your child’s learning
According to research, for learning to occur, a youngster must be happy and comfortable, and expressing emotional turmoil is all part of this process. “Learning is as natural to children as breathing,” says Hand in Hand Parenting creator Patty Wipfler. “However, when a child is unable to concentrate or listen, it is usually due to an emotional issue that is impeding his progress.”
Your child may be able to sleep better
Sleep issues frequently arise because we parents believe that the best way to deal with tantrums and upsets is to avoid them. When a child’s brain is at rest, his pent-up emotions pop up. Children, like adults, wake up because they are worried or attempting to process something in their lives. Allowing your child to finish her tantrum enhances her emotional well-being and may help her sleep better at night.
You said “no”, which is a positive thing
The tantrum your child is throwing is most likely the result of you saying ‘no.’ That is a good thing! Saying ‘no’ establishes clear limits between acceptable and undesirable behaviour for your youngster. We may avoid saying ‘no’ because we don’t want to deal with the emotional aftermath, but we may maintain our boundaries while still expressing love, empathy, and hugs. Saying ‘no’ indicates that you are not afraid of the messy, emotional part of parenting.
Your child feels comfortable telling you how he feels
Tantrums are a huge compliment, even if they don’t always feel like way! Most of the time, children are not throwing tantrums to manipulate us or get what they want. Your child is frequently accepting the no, and the tantrum is an expression of how he feels about it. You may be firm with your no while empathising with his pain. The angst about the broken cookie or the odd colour socks is a ruse; what he craves is love and connection.
Tantrums bring you closer together
It may be difficult to believe at the time but keep an eye on things and wait. Your furious child may not appear to appreciate your presence, but she does. Allow her to go through the tempest of her emotions without attempting to stop or ‘correct’ them. Don’t say too much but do say something kind and reassuring. Give hugs. Your youngster will feel closer to you because of your unconditional acceptance.
Tantrums are beneficial to your child’s behaviour in the long term
Children’s emotions can manifest themselves in a variety of ways, including hostility, difficulty sharing, and refusal to cooperate on simple activities such as getting dressed or cleaning their teeth. All of these are classic indications that your youngster is dealing with his emotions. A large tantrum allows your youngster to express feelings that may be impeding his natural, cooperative personality.
If the tantrum occurs at home, it is less likely to occur in public
When children are allowed to fully express their feelings, they frequently prefer to have their problems at home, where they believe we are more willing to listen. “The more we expect our children to ‘hold it together’ at home and in public, the more stress builds up inside of them,” says Michelle Pate, a parenting teacher. “The more we can make time and space at home to listen to our child’s sad sentiments, the fewer bottled-up sensations they’ll carry with them on every excursion.”
Your child is performing an action that most people have forgotten how to perform
Your child will cry less as he grows older. Part of this is due to maturation and learning to control his emotions. Part of it is figuring out how to ‘fit in’ in a society that isn’t really welcoming of emotional expression. When we adults become agitated, anxious, or “lose it” with our children, it is frequently because we, too, require a good cry! Adults, particularly men, struggle to develop a sense of safety and connection to truly let go of their sentiments. Allow your child to have that mood-boosting tantrum while her emotions are still flowing freely.
Tantrums are also beneficial to your health
When we are present throughout our child’s tantrum, it elicits strong emotions in us. Our parents may not have listened to our tantrums with empathy when we were younger. Our child’s distress can elicit memories of how we were treated that we were not even aware of. When we receive assistance and the opportunity to be heard, parenting can be a healing road for our own emotional issues.